Fear

Last night, we went out to the School to the Nations training camp for our first Africa team meeting. As we watched some videos, I felt fear and excitement swell in me. Randy Copeland, our team leader, asked us what we were thinking and feeling after the videos. When it was my turn, I felt tears in my eyes; I didn't know I had so much fear and anxiety about going, until it was falling down my face. When he asked what I was afraid of, I realized it was just all the obstacles and hoops you have to go through in order to go. It would be so much easier for me to say I'm not going, and that is what my flesh has been wanting to do.

It has been confirmed to me that we are supposed to go. I cannot deny it or shove it down any longer. The Spirit has stirred me, and I am ready to take the risk and trust God to provide and protect. Since I prayed, and tried to let go, all I want to do is worship God, particularly through song. All day, I've felt Him close, as a dear friend, and I know when I told Him I'd trust Him with this, He pulled me closer to Himself. I am thankful.

These photos are from previous trips to Mali that School to the Nations have taken. Enjoy.

The will

I'm not sure where God wants us next, or what His next move is in our lives, but I know God is faithful, good, just, and loving, so why would I be afraid? Why would I hesitate to follow Him? When in Springfield, Missouri, He is working, and in Tokyo, Japan, He is working. He is always and everywhere working. So why worry? Why question? When this earth is temporary, but His kingdom is eternal; when all I have is worth giving up to be with Him, why would I not go where He says? When he knows better and I know less; when He has all wisdom and I have all doubt, why not trust Him? When my desires are selfish and sinful and His are holy and perfect.

So... God, wherever. Whenever. However. With whomever.

My plan dies at the sight of the beauty of Your glory, and it dies willingly.

I was made for You and I belong to You.

All is Yours.

I wrote this 04/20/2010 at the IHOP Prayer room in KC.

I re-read it today, just 2 short months later. God has brought clarity, peace, and excitement about our next few years. What a good God we serve.

Africa

I've been having some doubts about going to Africa this December. Tyler and I have not put much effort into raising support, even though I have to get a new passport and we need to get shots, so we are really in need of money now. I was praying about it 2 days ago, asking God if it was a wise decision. Later that evening, I picked up a book to re-read it; it was A Million Miles in a Thousand Years by Donald Miller. The book, if you haven't read it, is about taking risks, about living a good story. Most of us don't remember the majority of our lives, and it is probably because we haven't made many memorable experiences. We get comfortable and stay that way. As I read, I felt confirmation that going to Africa is what God wants, that he wants Tyler and I to rely on Him in this way. He desires us to trust in Him, and that this trip to Mali will be a beautiful part of the story of our lives; something we will share with our children. Something we won't forget.

Today, as Tyler and I prayed about it in the car on the way to work, I was still fearful, but sure at the same time. A few minutes ago, we found out my passport is paid for as of this week, and we have a donation of $1000 ($500 to each of us) that will be given before our first major deadline of finances is due. God provides. He is faithful. He is good.